Does Barbie drink Tang?

Last night was Sunday;

I was working under the Buzz Lightyear blanket on the child size bed that Christopher James Morrison so kindly is letting me borrow during my stay. Leaning against the oversize Lighting McQueen pillow, I rolled over on something very hard and painful. I reached underneath me and grabbed a very small grey figure wearing a space costume with the name KEN written on the shoulder, sporting a pair of Hot Pink Stilettos. It was Barbie from Toy Story, Wearing Kens Astronaut Costume. Why I ask?

Was she sent to do a “mans” job and of course there was no Woman’s Space suit? Was this some sort of fantasy for Ken and Barbie was being dutiful? Was she playing dress up because that’s what we do…? Is this Ken cross dressing?

Then I thought what the hell is wrong with me and these questions in my head, am I this bitter, Am I this sexist, am I this kinky?… Do I think too much…?

So I asked. Apparently, she was saving Buzz from a fate of having to speak Spanish for the remainder of his toy existence and assisted the Coalition of Toys from being ruled by a modern day Nazi Germany. All that in unflattering aluminized insulation layers of silver Ortho-Fabric and hot pink Stilettos.

Things are not always as they appear.

Example, if anyone ever asks you to try Chinese “candy” I assure you, there is NO SUCH THING!

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35 Berdan; Bus Station; 162T; Port Authority; 7 Train; Grand Central; Grand Central Tower 15th Floor

35 Berdan > Bus Station > 162T > Port Authority > 7 Train > Grand Central > Grand Central Tower 15th Floor

I really thought that I would be able to blog more frequently but I have been working my ass off here in NY. Just an idea of what my days are like. I wake up around 6am – shower and walk to the bus stop, on a good day the bus is an hour ride into the Port Authority, I then walk to the belly of the PA to the 7 train – take that to Grand Central walk two blocks to 45th and Lexington where I get my 2nd cup of coffee and head up to the 15th floor to *ah hem* START my day –

I don’t leave the office on average until 7:30 – 8pm on the one good day it was 630 – mostly 8 /9pm then I take a nice brisk 20 minute stroll to the Port Authority, get on a late night 10pm bus sometimes the 9pm bus and get home right in time to finish more work, shower get ready for bed and do it all over again.

Just in case anyone is feeling ignored it’s because of the above…

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There is no scientific evidence proving that Shiatsu is effective at treating any disease

But it shouldn’t give you one either….

Gotta love Shiatsu

Even if it is administered from a practitioner of pain in a dodgy “happy ending” massage location in Rochelle Park (I will withhold the address to protect the guilty) I went in with radiating pain down my leg, on the verge of a migraine, poor circulation looking for a Shiatsu Japanese medicine miracle worker. What I got was the most amazing massage I have ever received that made my eyes water, nose run, sweat glands kick into overdrive and increased circulation that I instantly looked 2 years younger. All this from a sweet 80 lbs Japanese woman who only spoke to me through her Pimp, Miss Patty.

The place was surprisingly clean. Like a dirty bird I was listening closely to hear for noises in the next room. I got to sign in myself, with pencil when I prepaid so I knew that both Carl and Sal were in the building with me in case we were raided..

I asked to use the bathroom because I was curious, I wish I hadn’t. Shower! As expected. I treated the bathroom like I do the Port Authority restrooms. Thank god for hand sanitizer.

Oh Fiji Salon…Even if I only suspected you; **door bell entry, and pre pay and pencil bookkeeping and all – at 60 bucks for 80 minutes you might be beauty’s best kept secret after all. Happy ending indeed.

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“If I were a gal I’d marry a cucumber”…

An excerpt from an email exchanged today between me and my BFF Steve S.

“Marriage is so much work it’s become even with being single.

If I were you I’d just stay single and live a long happy life!!

If I were a gal I’d marry a cucumber.”

Now Steve and I have been friends for a very long time between us we have 5 marriages and 4 divorces.

I am not sure if that makes us experts on the subject or an unreliable source. I love the idea of marriage and I happen to know a very happy and healthy married couple. I also love the ease of choice with being single I know some happy healthy singltons too.

O.K. So last night I was having a conversation about bachelorette parties. Heidi is planning one for a friend. Deep in the discussion of penis whistles, and sex toys it occurred to me.. what is a bachelorette party really for?

The modern concept is to celebrate the final days of “being single” but you are not single you are engaged. Being single wasn’t all that great to you to begin with that is why you started dating this wonderful man that you finally accepted a proposal from – what is this whole last night of being single – shiny show me your tits beads, tiara, strippers, penis whistle bullshit anyway.

Shouldn’t a bachelorette party really be for someone who is single? The very meaning of the word BACHELORETTE! The stripper/penis whistle offered as ‘consolation’ prize for the fact that they are not actually getting those things on a regular basis like a married person would?

I don’t get it. I asked Heidi who is planning the bachelorette party if she can turn it into a fundraising benefit for a cucumber farm for us spinsters!

Three Cheers for a long happy life whatever your status…Single, Divorced, Separated or Married….or about to get married ..

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Men at Work:

I was on the bus this morning, the 163T to the Port Authority to be exact, near the Lincoln Tunnel I noticed some construction and equipment and big piles of dirt. It got me thinking. Is there anywhere in the US that is not under construction? A city or town where roads aren’t being worked on, buildings being built, bridges being repaired, houses being renovated?

Is there any place where the people are just appreciating all the work that went into building it and enjoying the fruits of their labor?

Then it made me think about my own life. Always under construction. Always being repaired, improved, expanded, condensed, soiled, shined. Have I ever just sat back and just enjoyed my life. Appreciated all the work that went into it. Enjoyed the fruits of my labor?


Why are we all looking to improve? The highways, our communication with our loved ones, our bodies, or financial situation, our planet, our government? Is it to actually achieve an end result and enjoy it when you get there or just on to the next one?

Ambitious? Courageous?  Or just completely pointless.

Enjoy what you have accomplished today without needing anything “better”

~ One and a half hour commute through the tunnel here I come…

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Positive Tattles…

Positive Tattles:

At ROCK we do something called positive tattles. We all sit in a circle and wait patiently to tattle out loud just how appreciative we are at all the good deeds that our friends around us have done that day…

I am slightly behind due to my failing efforts to “settle in” here in New York/New Jersey so I am about to sit around the preverbal circle and wildly wave my arm to tattle on all of the wonderful people around me..

Bean Head: thank you for always supporting me, loving me and being there – you are always there- – but most recently talking me through the planning details and reminding me to take care of my physical and mental health..

The Smalls: I just love all of you. Thank you for the support, the love, the stability and hugs I get from all of you so often. Moo – thank you for the fabulous goodbye dinner, the scarf to keep me warm and all that you do, Bug- thank you for the ride to the airport, the luggage, the love and our impromptu departure dinner and your amazing hugs, M&M I really just couldn’t be more fortunate to have you both in my life…

Deets: seriously it would be an understatement to say anything less than I couldn’t have done this without you. So supportive, so generous, loving, supportive, kind and I just look at you in awe most the time say how the hell does she pull it off, but you do and your amazing. I love you.

Muel: so nice to meet you..thank you for the cuddle. John thank you for making the time and the introduction.

Krista Nicole, Adam and the girls: thank you for my goodbye breakfast, that was such a  great morning, thank you for taking the time, thank you for always making the time to do special things with and for me. True friends with genuine concern and happiness for my wellbeing. Thank you, it brings me so much comfort.

JenJen-thank you for planning girls night out. We had so much fun, didn’t we! You always are so much fun and such a love. Thank you for taking the time and being so inquisitive about my adventure. Thank you for all the offers to assist while I was away and bringing me warmth. You are sweetness personified.

James and Beth – thank you for dealing with my car, keeping my bedroom safe and the house warm, giving Sydney kisses and for all of your love, care and understanding with the misunderstandings of last week. I appreciate the two of you and want you to always know that.

Pav – thank you for making the time for me in your busy schedule. You are always supporting me personally but have been my professional advocate as well and appreciate your guidance and keen negotiating skills. Thank You for also thinking …along with the smalls that I could get The Rock if I just applied myself.

Simi – thank you for your support, especially with your schedule and the kids… thank you for making time and being so supportive..

I would love for you and Sohan to visit : )

Roger- thank you for picking me up all the way at JFK, thank you for the coffee cake, and the conversation and just you being you! I love you buddy so fortunate to know you!

Ryan and Christopher- thank goodness I am in the New York, NJ – not New York, CA

A – looking forward to seeing you in NY… nice surprise.

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Don’t cry for me San Francisco…

Its pouring!

Girls night; check, adult beverage; check, Wham ..I sure hope so!

Wake me up before you Go Go

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